User Profile

Why does 'kaleidoscopeeyes' have more than fifteen letters? Why is the name 'saltwaterdreams' already taken, and why does 'saltwater_dreams' exceed fifteen letters? Why have 'hyacinthgirl' and 'hyacinth_girl' and any other variants thereof been taken? Why won't 'newspapertaxi' or 'cellophaneflower' fit, goddammit?

Anyhow, my life thus far is
a) none of your business
b) not particularly interesting
c) not to be divulged since, let's face it, nobody knows who else is out there on the INTARWEBZ.

Other details about myself that might be useful:
- until about two years ago, I was a very active flamer on the Pit. (ff.net) I was banned from roughly fifty accounts at my peak, I think, but it's difficult to keep track due to my somewhat exorbitant number of sockpuppet accounts. If I have flamed your fic in the past and you have come back to haunt me, I'm not interested in friending you unless you can prove that your writing has improved to an extent which would tempt me to read it, although given that HP fanfic, and POTC fanfic as well, is pretty much the nadir of writing as we know it, there really is nowhere to go but up.
- Much as I would like to believe my last statement, it is also true that I have a slight addiction for pottersues.livejournal.com and therefore, my paradigms are constantly being challenged as regards bad writing.
- I have limited bandwidth.
- I enjoy sailing.
- If you can prove it exists in canon, I will accept your OTP. Unless, of course, you write HP fanfiction, in which case I would rather kill myself with a Philips screwdriver and a selection of safety pins than speak to you. Unless, of course, you are excessively talented, because if I wanted to read drivel, my local library has about four million Mills and Boon novels. Besides, doesn't it worry anybody how much DH read like fanfic?
-If you are Phoebe from school, the one who is NOT the debating captain--- the one who has a major, major crush on Hamlet: I AM A LATENT HOMOSEXUAL, REALLY. I HOLD HANDS WITH MY FEMALE FRIENDS. I HAVE VERY FEW MALE ACQUAINTANCES. I DON'T LIKE BOYS. I'VE BEEN AT A GIRLS' SCHOOL SINCE GRADE TWO. I ONLY HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS. I HUG THEM. I ASK THEM TO RUN AWAY WITH ME TO CANADA. MY FATHER WORKED OVERSEAS FOR THE MAJORITY OF MY LIFE, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT FREUD HAS TO SAY ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY. I HATE WEARING DRESSES. WHEN I GO OUT WITH MY SISTER, PEOPLE MISTAKE US FOR LESBIANS. I'M SEVENTEEN AND I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE. I HIT A BOY WITH AN UMBRELLA ONCE. I RAN AWAY FROM ANOTHER, SCREAMING, AT THE TWILIGHT PICNIC. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF MY FRIENDS' SIGNIFICANT OTHERS... situational homosexuality, anybody? (By the way, I now understand why Harry Potter, Mary-Sue writers and morons-- oh wait, sorry, 'morons' pretty much cover all of the above-- enjoy using capslock so much. It's surprisingly fun. )
- Lilly, you are wrong. Ice-hockey is very romantic. Especially when puke or blood starts bouncing off the ice. It's fantastic, I tell you.
- I confess. I had a d-x. It died.
- I have written fanfic. Once. In my defence, it was for English. It wasn't even in a fandom I belong to! ... the topic was superheroes. I have no imagination. What was I meant to write? Anyway, I ended up writing Justice League. I gave Batman Alzheimers, cakes, and a nice funeral. I gave Superman a girlfriend, a wife, a divorce, friends, the breakup of the League, and a nice flight around the world. I made Green Lantern dye his hair and go into advertising. At least, I think it was Green Lantern. It may have been Captain America. I gave Wonder Women children, in particular a son who got accepted to John Hopkins... Suffice to say, it was MADE OF FAIL. (Even though I ended up getting a 29/30.)

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